Impossibility Triangle
I really want to turn my life around. But currently, my life feels like a triangle where the corners are:
Work: I've never had a real job, which explains why I was broke before. I'm still not working under anyone else. But since I have to pay rent and feed my family, I had to do something. So, I started doing freelance graphic design work. The positive thing about this is that I can work from home.
Family: Family is home, home is peace. I got married this year in January (Told you, I wanted to turn my life around 😅). Now, I don't only have to look out for myself, but also for my wife. One of my top priorities is to give time to my family.
Hobbies: I have a never-ending list of things I want to do. I'd like to continue uploading videos to my YouTube channel (which currently has three videos), work on my own indie game, get into drawing, tinker with electronics, play games, read webnovels, and of course, write regularly on Bear.
The Geometry of Guilt
When I work extra hours to ensure the rent is covered, I feel the pull of burnout because I haven't focused on my hobbies in days.
When I actually try out some hobbies, I feel guilty for not spending the little time I have with my family.
And when I sit with my family, or go to buy groceries, the ghost of unfinished projects keeps bugging me.
What I'm Realizing
I'm learning that I cannot be at all three corner at once.
The art of living is choosing which corner to inhabit right now, and being fully there, rather than hovering in the middle and being nowhere.
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